Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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