Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
