After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
