In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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