my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
