so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
