So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
