just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
