im holly from the hills drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
