Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
