Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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