All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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