yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
