I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A bitchslap is in order.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
