Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
