I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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