Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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