The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
