How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
