three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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