OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
