I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
