dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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