maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
