My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
