its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
