Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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