Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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