I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
