He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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