i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
