WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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