Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
