I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
