For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
