Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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