Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
