After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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