I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm getting married
To pizza
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
