Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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