I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
