Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
