Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
