:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could make wine with my vomit
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
