I wish i was in the wii world.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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