Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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