omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
