quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
