I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
