I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
