A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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